As I sat waiting for a nurse to come and explain why I was unable to give blood (again!), for a moment today, I felt like I’d failed. I was being glared at by the logos all around me: ‘Save a life. Give Blood’. And for a split second I gave way to thinking that I’d let them down, that not being able to give blood meant I was failing to save lives. And then to make matters worse, I read the leaflet – 3 failed attempts and they ditch you from their database. Three strikes and you’re out! Oh the pressure! Oh the shame of being rejected from doing a good thing!

But it’s not a fail. It’s just me. As I explained to the nurse when she joined me, my Dr has confirmed that in respect of iron, my normal is low and apparently always has been. That’s just my constitution! I eat all the things in their leaflets and I even forced myself to drink red wine last night (!) but clearly my iron is happy being low key, chilled! That’s not failure, it’s just a fact.

It got me thinking though about the concept of failure and how it can impact us so immensely. It’s been over two weeks since I last posted on here and I’ll be honest, it’s been a bit of a struggle to get my head around that and to not give it all up. When I started this little project of mine, I made a deal with myself that I would post at least weekly. In fact I made a deal with God that I would only do this if and when I had 52 blog thoughts ready to go, so that if I was lacking inspiration I had a pool to draw from and was good to go for a year. But then I’ve come to realise that I find it hard to enthusiastically write about thoughts from last year or even from yesterday. I’m a ‘feeler’ and I have to express what I’m thinking and feeling right now or it just doesn’t quite work. So with the busyness of half term and family life, I didn’t get time to sit and write and then a week came and went and the guilt started to creep in. The feelings of failure for being just a month in and already failing to meet my own target! But actually I haven’t, because it’s my site. I’m the boss and when I finally had the courage to send it live I gave myself permission to be flexible with it and not to force it. In fact, if you sign up to my email notification you’ll see I even wrote that in the welcome email! I said I couldn’t promise to post the same time every week because that’s just not me. So I haven’t failed, have I?

And any way, what is failure really? Try homeschooling two 6 year olds and you’ll think you witness failure on a daily basis what with spelling mistakes and backwards numbers but it isn’t really that is it. “Marvellous mistakes” the girls’ teacher calls them and the Little Misses will tell you all about how they’re good because they make your brain grow. Brilliant! What a way to spin a positive on what can be a debilitating negative. It’s teaching them that failure is positive, failure is necessary to grow and develop. Failure isn’t actually failure. Not in the way we often view it any way. If you have truly failed at something then that’s the end isn’t it? If you really, truly, definitely can’t do it then there’s nowhere to go with that is there? Other than to choose to accept that maybe that’s just not your strength or just not what you were made for. It’s the end of that thing maybe but not the end of everything! At least it doesn’t have to be.

And if you can’t accept it’s the end, if you refuse to accept the fail then that tells you something about yourself too, doesn’t it? It either tells you you’re ridiculously stubborn or maybe, just maybe, that you haven’t failed, that it’s just a marvellous mistake and that you want to keep trying and keep learning because it means something to you.

I remember being in a primary school a few years ago, with a job I had, listening to a head teacher explain how they didn’t have winners and losers in their sports days and in their sports matches they didn’t take score. Instead, they gave all the children a certificate for taking part. I get it to an extent but the truth is there would have been winners and losers and I bet the kids could tell you who they were! When those children grow up and start interviewing for jobs, there will be no ‘taking part’ certificate then! So why are we afraid to show them that they don’t always win. It’s a really necessary, healthy part of life and of growing up and maturing.

This past year has been full of so much perceived failure, whether that’s in decisions made by politicians or in businesses going under but it’s not the end. And I have already seen how those that can reflect on what went wrong and use that to be a ‘marvellous’ learning opportunity are doing great and maybe even greater things now.

What marvellous mistakes have you made today?! If we could all do everything, life would be dull. I believe God made us different for a reason so learn from the fail, add it it your understanding of you and see how it makes you greater in the things you are successful at!

I’ll try again with the blood giving. Maybe I’ll pump myself full of iron supplements in the weeks before! But if I’m wiped off the register then maybe that’s just something I can’t do. There are plenty of other things I can do…

Until next time, whenever that may be…