Yes I’m talking about Bo Peep but not the one who sits waiting patiently for her sheep to come home; the one from Disney Pixar’s Toy Story 4. You know, the kick ass one that’s, well, lost and broken…

In the words of Ronan Keating, life is a rollercoaster, and that’s certainly been my experience over the past few days, weeks, months… In fact my whole life really: ups, downs, fun bits and scary bits. But I disagree with Mr Keating that “you just gotta ride it” because I think sometimes we need to choose to get off the rollercoaster. Sometimes we need to choose to ride a different one.

What on earth have rollercoasters and Bo Peep got to do with each other? I’ve no idea really but let me try and unpack this week’s mind epiphany! We hear clichés all the time: ‘time’s a healer’, ‘you just need to ride it out’ or ‘take one day at a time’ but I think these are all aimed at situations that can be fixed or healed. Whether emotional or physical, there are many situations in life that, whilst hideous at the time and may leave a scar, the break is repairable. Breakups are painful (believe me I’ve experienced a fair few) but presuming you’re able to move on and get over it, that pain goes away and is hopefully replaced with something way better. Physical pain is also hideous but many injuries are fixable: they heal and we can carry on, fully functioning.

But what about the breaks that aren’t fixable? In our house, I’m the fixer. The Little Misses will leave broken toys, bits of plastic jewellery and all manner of other small cheap items that have broken, on the side in the kitchen for me to fix. A common phrase when the girls were little was Papa will fix it. Papa’s my Dad and he’s been my reliable fixer my whole life, from bikes to holes in walls; whatever it is, give it to Papa. In recent years the phrase remains the same, but with smaller items I step in as proxy fixer. And I’m pretty good at it to be fair. A bit of superglue or a stitch here and there and the broken item is back to full working order. But there are some things that just can’t be fixed or they can but they’ve been weakened and are now unable to function as they were originally intended. As I write, there’s a broken candelabra glaring at me from across the room. It’s one of my [repeat] repairs that has failed again, never to hold a candle in the same way as before. But that’s ok, I have other ideas for it: alternative ways to make it successful in a new way, that may be different but not necessarily worse.

And that’s where Bo comes in. If you’ve seen the film, you’ll know that Bo is classed as a lost toy. Once cherished and esteemed, now lost and broken. Broken beyond repair in fact (queue scene where Woody pulls her broken arm off) but not lost and broken in a way that urges anyone to feel sorry for her. It’s just different now. Life looks very different for her but she likes it, so much so she doesn’t want to go back to the old life. She was thrown off that rollercoaster and rather than fight to get back on it, she chose to get on a different one. She’s embraced the breaks and losses as part of a new life. One that looks harder and more challenging but is still a life worth living.

So I’ve been challenging myself this week to, eventually, be more Bo. To accept that there are some parts of life that are simply not repairable and some bits that will remain painful until the end simply because they should – because they are too huge and too important to not remain broken. I think that’s going to be a long process that will take time and support. Interestingly, Disney chose not to show us the bit between Bo being lost and then loving her new life, an entire film of absence in fact! Though I imagine it doesn’t make for very uplifting TV if hers was anything like my own journey: crying, wine, Netflix, wine, chocolate, wine, ugly crying, wine and lots of talking and processing in whatever way is necessary. I am becoming more and more aware each day that it’s going to take a lot of time and effort to accept this new life and to live with the broken parts of me without fear of their impact. I want to emerge being more Bo, having decluttered the unimportant and wholeheartedly embracing and appreciating those things of true value in this life.

Earlier, I mentioned the scene where Woody accidentally pulls Bo’s arm off, unaware that it is permanently broken in two. The funny thing about this is that Woody is more scared of Bo’s brokenness than she is! Isn’t that the same in real life? I am certain there are people in my future who will not know what to do when my irreparable parts are shown but in those moments I definitely want to be more Bo, embracing that as part of me, able to smile at the other’s shock, without fear of my missing part, saying “don’t worry, it happens all the time”.

Time may not heal everything but if you try to Be More Bo hopefully time will help you to accept the un-healable!

Until next time…