It would have been easy not to have asked, for fear of offending, fear of rejection and fear of causing offence. But then I would have been forced to sit on the grass, alone and I would have missed out on a beautiful moment.

I was just over halfway through my lone cycle ride on Monday (after taking the girls to school for the first time in months!) when I decided to make the most of this forgotten freedom by stopping for a takeaway cuppa and a sit down. It’s a lovely little spot on the cycle path, with a mobile cafe and benches overlooking the estuary but they were all taken with young Mums and couples enjoying the morning sunshine. So I kept going a little until I came to the last bench, which I could see was occupied at one end by a lady. She looked pensive and on her first glance round to see who was interrupting her thoughts, I was not greeted with a smile, in fact there was very little emotion on her face. So I um’d and ah’d in my head what to do. In these times, not only do we have to consider all the things we were taught as children about stranger danger, followed by considerations of politeness in invading somebody’s personal space, we now also have to do maths to work out if there’s even enough space available to invade safely! She certainly didn’t look dangerous but I wasn’t sure about the other two so I was about to give up hope and plonk myself down on the grass when she turned around again, so I took the opportunity. “Do you mind if I sit the other end or is that too close?” I asked. That’s all it took, that one simple question to spark an hour long conversation with a stranger on a bench.

I don’t even know her name and she never asked mine but I learned that she was 75 (although, as I told her, she didn’t look it!) and had lived a life scattered with disappointment. She didn’t say that but as we talked about marriage, children and all things life related, it was clear she’d been let down, hurt and disappointed by many. She talked of loneliness through these isolated times but she wasn’t complaining, she was just stating facts. Despite some of the challenges life had thrown at her and despite admitting she could have done things differently, she wasn’t bitter. Not that I saw, anyway. She was lovely, honest and encouraging and I couldn’t have enjoyed our conversation more!

As we parted ways she kept thanking me for sitting down on that bench. She said it had made her day and I acknowledged it had made mine too. She said that when she sat on that bench she could never have imagined that anybody would have joined her, let alone taken the time to speak to her. That one comment saddened me so much because saying hello to a stranger and acknowledging their existence (once you’ve run through the stranger checks, detailed above, obviously!) is the easiest, simplest way to show kindness. One thing I have learnt over the past ten years as I’ve grown through my 30s and through being a wife and a mum is that most of the time I just want to be seen. I mean really seen in a way that notices and acknowledges how I’m feeling, rather than me feeling like I’m just part of the furniture or part of the routine.

It really is quite simple and yet hearing somebody talk of surprise by that acknowledgement made me ashamed of the world we live in. As I cycled home, I asked God to bless that lady and I also thanked Him for the gift of time that day – I was so grateful for the fact that I wasn’t in a rush. As Mr Particular said when I told him about it, time doesn’t cost anything and yet the impact it had on that lady was priceless. The challenge is that we live in a world where more often that not, time does feel too valuable to give away and for some that may be true but it takes no time to smile at somebody and not much more time to say “good morning” or whatever may be appropriate! Think about it.

There’s that saying ‘smile and the world smiles with you’ and it’s usually true. You’ll get the occasional grump but when you see somebody and give them a second of your time, more often than not they’ll see you back and give you a second of theirs.

Smile and the world smiles with you

I remember a few years back, before the girls started school, I was having a tough morning with them, so I decided we needed to get out. They were old enough to walk but not long distances so we took the buggy and I just started walking. I’ve always been honest with them about how I feel. So I’d acknowledged I was being grumpy and that sparked a conversation about what to do. We were walking along a long main road at the time and I can’t now remember why but I said why don’t you smile and wave at people in their cars and we’ll count how many people wave back. I knew that would lighten our mood, keep them entertained and I had of course run through the stranger risks! What a mood changer it was! As the mission went on, the three of us would cheer and celebrate when people waved back. And I’m certain we lifted a few of their moods too, seeing these two little identical looking girls noticing them and acknowledging so. Simple, free, day-changing!

So I challenge you to do the same. Give away a little of your precious time. Smile and say “g’day” to somebody and see how it impacts them and you. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all just started there?

As I cycled home on Monday, I wondered if I’d been rude by not asking the stranger’s name and by not offering mine but actually I think that helped. Sometimes, opening up to a stranger, who you doubt you’ll ever see again, is way easier than doing so with somebody who already has pre-conceived ideas about you.

To the stranger on the bench: thank you for your time, it made my day.